CHET! You're The Bain of My Existence!

I have been violated.

My innocence and virtue has been dragged through the mud like a bloated filthy hippopotamus (no offense, Hefty) once again by my alter, and oh so much less adorable, ego, Chet. Long have you haunted my dreams. Apparently restraining orders do not apply to online activities. I will have to see Judge Juda about that.

Instead of the abhorrent and illicit activities I 'allegedly' participated in during Easter weekend, I instead spent the holiest of holidays watching Conference with Daddy, reflecting on the sacrifice of the Savior of all creations and His triumph over death....and enjoying the droppings of the Easter Bunny.


Daddy said this is a nest just like he used to get from the Easter Bunny when he was just a lad. How I love Daddy and how I love my distant cousin, the Easter Bunny, and how I loath that foul cretin, Chet.

As Geoffrey the Giraffe as my witness, you will rue the day you messed with me and my blog. Rue it!

Hop till you drop...

Guess what I did this Easter Weekend?

I had an adventure, very possibly the most interesting one yet!

I went to the Pool, and had a lot of fun. Wild and Crazy Kids had NOTHING on this!

These two chicas were watching me... almost as much as I was watching them!

Since I didn't score with those two hotties, I decided I need to pump some iron.

Here's me trying to get swoll!

I thought posing provocatively under this sign would tell people I could help them with mouth to mouth, but Daddy said it's for a fibalator. I thought he was just cussing again. Apparently it's to help people or something, lame.

Finally, a girl noticed me! Becky and I hit it off REAL quick. She was pretty enough that I considered lowering my standards for a bit. I was hoping Daddy wouldn't find me enjoying art, grapes, and some fine Franzia with this incredible waitress.

He did. He took me to this sign, and talked to me about the perils of cocktail waitresses.

Again, more cussing.

He took me out back to breathe, while making jokes about operating heavy machinery while inebriated. The most embarrassing part is that I hurled exactly 6 seconds after this photo was taken. Good thing Becky wasn't watching.

I tried to stop by my dealer, but Daddy said any place you have to knock in a certain way and ask for Javier was probably sketchy.

He's obviously an amateur.

Happy Easter!

Act Two...Upstate and In Your Face!

Well it took Daddy months to get our NYC trip up. I would have done it, but he saw his credit card bill...I might have subscribed to World of War Giraffes on his dime. I mean, I got a great deal and can you really put a price on being a 32nd level Giraffe Wizardlord with a wicked awesome tail staff?? Well apparently $79.95 is too much for Daddy to cough up...forget about the safety of my herd but whatever.

In any case, I am hounding Daddy to make sure he gets this done. Being delayed in Binghamton, NY and missing our connection in Philly, this is the perfect time to do some blogging on all the fun we've had the past couple of days!

We were staying in Johnson City, NY. We got in on Wednesday night, and while Daddy was hunting for some food, we crossed a river called Susquehanna. It didn't mean a whole lot to me, but I know the look on Daddy's face when the dots start to connect. Were we really only a few miles away from where the priesthood was restored and the site of Joseph Smith's baptism? Well, likes once he gets done on Thursday, Daddy and I are going exploring!

Here we are at the monument signifying the restoration of the Aaronic Priesthood in what was once Harmony, PA and is now Oakland. Being celestial creatures, giraffes are in no need of the saving ordinances of the priesthood, but for Daddy's sake how happy I am for this!

This says it's about 'great revelations' and a 'marvelous work' which are usually adjective used to describe me yet for some reason any mention of Lil' G was omitted from this record. Believe me, I will get to the bottom of this

If only we were here 181 years ago! I'm sure Sister Emma would have been absolutely enthralled with me. I mean, who isn't??

Signing the logbook. Lil' G was officially here representing Texas!

We got done earlier than expected, so we left Harmony and drove up to Palmyra, NY...Joseph Smith's childhood home and site of so many monuments Church history events. One of which was on the Hill Cumorah. Daddy told me this was "the golden plates lay hidden deep in the mountainside." What he neglected to tell me was that they're not there anymore. He could have informed of that tidbit before I started digging. Jerk.

We went to the shop where the first Book of Mormon was published. The first 5,000 copies, in fact. We got to practice folding the first 16 pages, but for some reason I was having trouble. Probably has to with the fact I'm a 4" giraffe.

With the help of the sister missionaries I was able to get it done! Thanks, Sisters! Oh, and they loved me, too...As if it's possible not to love this. If they could get online they would so be following my blog.

That's our plane out on the runway at Binghamton Regional Airport. Complete with a total of 2 gates and a table with this totally amazing contraption. Daddy was just getting fussy because he could see the plane yet couldn't get on it, but I could have stayed there all day with my new friends. Uh...Hello! There's more to life than missing a connection in Philly. Texas will always be there, but Jerry Giraffe, Simon Seal, Lawrence Lion, and Sallie Sheepie were only in my life for a few fleeting moments.

Act One...I Just Wanna be Apart of It!

Welcome to the Big Apple! Daddy was here officially on business...ewwwwwwwww. What fun is being in New York City if you're in meetings all day?!?! I'm gonna have to force him to have an adventure.

We touched down around 10:30 pm. I said I wanted an adventure, but didn't know it would start the instant we stepped out of the airport. The 30 min drive from La Guardia to the Marriott Marquis in Times Square included 2 mental breakdowns, a mouthy British lady in the GPS, Daddy yelling at the British lady who he referred to as 'Eunice,' four borderline swear words, and a single tear once we pulled into the hotel and the nice man in a black coat and hat took over the car. That's what Daddy gets for renting a car in Manhattan.

Anyway, even though it was almost midnight I talked Daddy into hitting the town. This is what I'm talking about!

Rockefeller Center. Turns out giraffes aint so great on skates. Daddy said it had to do with something called 'center of gravity' I think he was just trying to sound smart to impress this girl we were standing next to. Not quite sure how talking to a giraffe in your pocket might impress anyone.

It's Christmas Time in the City! It was so magical...but there was no snow, though. Auntie Ariana wouldn't be too thrilled.

This is how it should be. Word.
Can you imagine how intense a Lil' G fart would be on this scale? We're talkn' bio-hazard, people. Daddy said they would have to call in the National Guard. Now that's respect.

Shalom.

After being cooped up for a couple days while Daddy was in his meetings, we finally got to get out to the park before our flight home. I had always heard rumors the park could be dangerous.
Daddy! Put down the camera and help me! I'm too adorable to be snack food!

Ummmm...this is a little awkward.
So what? Just snuggling up with a couple love birds never hurt nobody...don't judge me!

Is it really time to leave?? :*( Very well, have Vincent pull the car around.
Next time Daddy promised not to work. Next time it's going to be adventures 24/7!!

Hey! You're in Huntsville!

After Thanksgving we were off again, this time to Huntsville, Alabama. While we were headed out of the airport, we were encouraged to "Explore Huntsville" while we were here. Let's take a look at all the exciting adventures we went on!!

Well....

Turkey Week!

Daddy and I took off an entire WEEK for Thanksgiving, and boy was it an adventure! We started out in Provo and then went up to Idaho and saw all kinds of family and friends!

For FHE, Richie said we should go to a place called 'Color Me Mine' so I decided to paint a hippo that reminded me of my cousin, Hefty.

I can't wait until I am reunited with Hefty at Christmas. Oh what a magical reunion twill it be!

After painting, some of Richie's friends came over to the hotel and played Mexican Train...I wanted to play on my own, but Daddy really wanted to be on my team. Result, we got schooled by 18 yr old kids...thanks Dad, you ruin everything.

I don't take loosing lightly...

Are you trying to eat me or make out? Either way, I'm frightened and disturbed.


Off to Idaho we go!!

We've arrived at Uncle Spencer and Aunt Ariana's house! Boy was it cold. Daddy said, 'it's a good thing you're not a real giraffe, Lil' G, cause they don't have a thick cloth exterior to keep them warm.' So I'm not a real giraffe!?! When did this happen??

Waaaay off in the distance you can see the Grand Tetons. So why I had to sit in the cold snow for a picture you can't really see is still a mystery to me.

Holy Mecca of Giraffes! I didn't even know the Annual 'We Might be Stuffed but We Still Feel - Giraffe Chapter' was in Ashton, ID! Oh believe me, I got the digits of many a sexy beast.

So after talkn to Jilly for like 30 minutes, I realized she wasn't a giraffe after all, but a baby human infiltrator! Get this freak of nature out of my sight before I start to cry.

We went to a place called Destinations Inn in Idaho Falls where every room is in a different theme, such as Egypt. I'm makn sure that if this mummy comes out for Daddy, I'll have the element of surprise on my side.

We've been waiting ALL morning for Santa! It's officially Christmas time!!

Bienvenidos a Mi-a-mi!

Time for another adventure! This time Daddy and I are headed to Miami, FL!!

Daddy got a free upgrade to first class and they had these really fun chair controls. Apparently you're not supposed to mess with them before take off cause I kept getting Daddy in trouble. It was just so fun!

AHH!!! It was sooooooo humid in Miami. How am I supposed to get my mack on when my mane is crazier than Sallie Anderson on crack?



We didn't have a lot of time, so while Daddy was in his meetings I decided to head down to Miami Beach. I was horrified to see that non-humans weren't allowed! Heck with that! Daddy always said "Lil' G, you're a rebel without a cause." It was time to live up to that and throw caution and my mane to the wind.



Ah....this is the life.

All that sand and sun worked up my appetite. Dinner in Malibu and then lunch a week later in Miami Beach?? Uh, yes please.

The view from Daddy's hotel room. Oh Miami! If we but had more time...alas, it was not to be. Fare thee well.