New Post, Coast 2 Coast!

In June, Daddy was in San Francisco and then Maine...in the same week. Coast to coast, baby...let's do this!

First stop, Oakland California LDS Temple. Here I am with my friends Willie, Billy, and Bud discussing the inscribed scripture verse. Willie asked me, "Lil' G...why doesn't Jesus mention giraffes?" to which I responded, "Sweet Willie, He did."

"He did?"

"Oh yes, child. The words which were spoken were too scared, too holy, and too sanctified, however, for any written language. In fact, He made giraffes so tall just so we could be that much closer to Him"

"Oh....I thought He made your long necks 'cause He had a sense of humor"

Checked into the hotel and out on the town...but Dad forgot his camera so he had to use his phone. What kind of professional operation are we running here?



Got my trolley ticket! I'm so EXCITED...let's go on an adventure!!


The first cable car was tested on Nob Hill in 1873 and public service began that same year. To think of all the people who have held this handle over the past several decades makes me...kinda sick. The lady beneath me kept glancing up with a worried look on her face. I wanted to say, "hey hippie, I'm not a filthy pigeon I'm a stuffed giraffe. The only droppings you need to concern yourself with is if I spontaneously bust a seam." Daddy said she just thought I was adorable, but he didn't see the look of fear/disgust in her eyes.



The icky hand holding thingy and the judgemental look of that human made me decide to look for a better spot, and we somehow scored a seat at the very front. It was almost like a roller coaster!

I just couldn't sit still....So I got up and went to the back to chill with Lenny. After a ton of expert schmoozing and persuading and reasoning, Lenny finally relented and let me drive! Is 'drive' the right word, Lil' G? Don't question me, I'm the engineer!

My masterful conductor skills brought us successfully to our destination...Fisherman's Wharf. Um...Dad, would you kindly remove your thumb from my crotch?

I'm ordering from the "Little Fisherman's Menu" cause I'm so adorable!! BTW, hidden in that back there in the mist is the Golden Gate Bridge.

The view from the hotel looking down on Union Square. Is that a Cheesecake Factory down there? That would explain the drooling coming from Daddy.

Boy, oh boy, was the West Coast fun! But now it's off to Maine!!

When we got into Portland, Daddy was surprised to see the rental "car" Avis gave him wasn't a car at all, but a minivan. And not just any minivan...it was the exact same kind he always got as the EFY cruiser. The whole drive from Portland to Freeport, where we were staying, he was on the verge of tears as he went through memory after memory from the days of yore. Nina sitting shotgun looking through the session binder, the BCs sitting in the back bickering like any good family, flying through Trinty cause they had to be at the Laurie 10 min ago and praying the violent jolts were speed bumps and not youth, hauling dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens of pizzas over to Prassel, and Mark Bishop refusing to move a muscle until the doors were opened remotely. To make it worse, that day was the day Dad was supposed to go with Sallie and Garrett to crash the Denton session.

Needless to say, Dad was a mess and only wanted to be alone with his hot cocoa and I had the keys...

Time for an adventure!!

Ok...so I have to give Dad some credit. Despite his emotional state, he still saw right though my 'hey buddy, you want me to get you another cup of hot cocoa? I'll just go down to the lobby and be right back...' ploy. Fine. I don't need a EFY cruiser van to have fun when I score a sweet ride like Marty the Moose. I fit perfectly into his huge antlers. Onward, Marty...onward to fame and glory!

Maine was so awesome...not as in the California/Mormon use of the word, but in the 'full of awe' kind of context. The fact that it was downright chilly while Texas was baking didn't hurt, but everything was so quaint and serene. Ahhhh.....this grass smells delicious.

Just reading in the park...move along people...nothing to see her'!

This is an adorable little main street...almost as adorable as me!

Holy shnickies! What weirdo keeps a 3 foot wizard in their window? On second thought, what kind of weirdo keeps a blog about a tiny giraffe?

Trying to find my way back to the hotel room. Marty said he knew the way but I know we never crossed this bridge before. Marty was starting to get on my nerves, to be honest...acting like a big know-it-all. Are all moosen this arrogant and stubborn? He was all I go this way all the time. You're telling me you maneuvered them big ole antlers down this narrow bridge without gettn them stuck in the cable?!? Ugh, just get me back to my dad.

O...M...G...Marty needed to go, but with my little adorable legs it would've taken me forever to make it back so I was pretty much stuck. However, don't think for a moment when I saw this sign I wasn't wishing for a Mack truck to barrel down the road and take out a particularly annoying moose out of the picture. I'm sure I could kick in the charm and hitchhike with said truck driver/great deliverer back to Freeport.

So once we got close I gave Dad a call and let him know we're almost back to town. He said to meet at the L.L. Bean flagship store located there Freeport. When I told Marty to head that way, he insisted he would drop me off a block away since that happened to be the night the moose hunting license raffle was going on. Did the stars suddenly align? I almost teared up as I recognized this as one of those special 'tender mercies' moments Daddy's always talking about.

Um...that's a big boot and I just can't stop staring. I have to climb it.

Even though it was pretty dark, for some reason Dad couldn't muscle up enough photographic talent to get the sign behind me clearly...Which states climbing on the boot could detrimental to my health.

Tell that to the moose I just made waltz into hunters HQ...

Now that I'm back with Daddy, things got back to normal real quick. Like pulling up to this fine dining establishment. Don't let the New England facade fool you...it's still just a McDonald's.

Before heading to the airport, Dad decided to detour through downtown Portland. After making some remarks of his disbelief on how you can find Mexican street vendors even in Maine, his frustration with San Francisco hippies and then Maineian hippies in the same week, and his semi-gay comments about how much he enjoys cobblestone streets and antique lampposts, I realized how much I love my Daddy!

Flash Back!

If one goes back to the genesis of this blog, he or she or it would realize this was actually a cry for help. Against all odds, I, Lil' G Uminski, not only learned to use a computer, but was able to obtain photographic evidence of my countless abductions at the hands of the 2009 Texas EFY BC team in the hope that my ever diligent daddy would come to my rescue! Alas, let the record show that he was pretty much as big of a failure in that department as he is with keeping up this blog.

However, Daddy and I have stumbled upon something wonderful and great; something from a time when summers consisted of yelling "lights out!" to HB's, laughing in the site office till all hours of the morning, and basking in the glow of the youth of Zion. Thanks to the efforts of Mark Bishop and Windows Movie Maker (which Daddy just now realized was on his laptop)....Behold, I give you, a flash back to the San Antonio 2 (technically it was 3, but let's not go there) 2009 Slide Show Finale, starring none other than ME....LIL' G!!!!!!



Stay tuned for my adventures in San Francisco, Maine, and the Fort Worth Stockyards!!

Rocking Out! \oo/

All aboard!! Well...actually not so much. We ended up missing our train to the AAC so we sat waiting...and waiting...and waiting on this platform. All I'm saying is it's a good thing Melinda was there to hold a conversation. I would have gone batty trying to find something to talk to Dad about.

"soooooo...you're a giraffe....how's that working out for you?"

"well, alright i guess. i mean the demands of being the superior species of the planet can become draining at times, but they don't call me lil' g for nothing."

"i thought you were named after an african american cafeteria worker at UNT"

"So?"

and then I stare him down until he yields. Lil' G: 1345 Daddy:9

We missed Sick Puppies and most of Shinedown due to Dad's poor judgment in the timing of the Dallas light rail system, but we finally arrived in time to see one of Dad's favorite bands: Breaking Benjamin. I must admit I quite enjoyed their set. And while I think I still prefer the witty repartee and general booty bouncing beat of Abba, I have to give props to Dad for his choice in music...Daddy, you're up to ten points!!

After Breaking Benjamin we went out, walked around the AAC a bit, and found this great little display of Texas greatness. Daddy was like, "Lil' G, get over there and let me take a picture" and I was all, "you're going to try and make it look like I'm a giraffe with longhorns." Dad insisted "No! I would never demean you so! Don't you love Texas?!?"

The result: poor attempt at humor at the expense of a small giraffe and the remains of a once noble beast of the field.

Look how happy I am with the Moff! This was taken before we watched the headlining band, Nickleback, and were tainted by the never-ending barrage of F-bombs. At one point, Dad had to cover my cute little adorable ears. Maybe someone like Chet would have found this display of profanity funny and entertaining, however someone with my level of refinement and innocence simply found it reviling and pathetic.

It's Peanut Butter Time!!

Daddy volunteered to drive down to Houston to help with a service assignment at the LDS Peanut Butter Cannery. What a worthwhile adventure this will be! We visited his sister's family, but the jerk forgot me in the car so I didn't get to play with all his adorable nieces and nephews...

In any case, let's get this party started!

We made a little detour to see the Houston LDS Temple. Daddy was like 'Wow, I don't remember the trees being this big from when I was here to take out my endowment.' Ummm...Daddy, that was like nine years ago. PS, you're old.

Yay! here we are.

Lil G here and ready to serve!!

Holy Geoffry the Giraffe, look at all these peanuts!! Daddy made some comment about how he would like to swimming in a pool full of roasted peanuts or something. I don't know for sure, I was too disturbed to pay attention.

Another dozen jars of peanut butter ready to go. I got in trouble for riding down this amazing contraption, but it was just too fun to resist.

" Hey! Get Back to WORK!"

Oh snap, look how scared Seth looks! I'm a hoss!

Last of the five pallets we did. 4,000 jars of peanut butter ready to go!

While Daddy was working in the cannery, I decided to go next door. I tried to find a wife for Daddy, but apparently they don't help in that area...Oh well, the trip was still a success!!

Act Three: Back in the Big Apple

It only took about 6 weeks, but Daddy finally is updating my blog!

Ahhhhh....back in New York City! This time with Grandma, Uncle Richie and Aunt Kati. We're going to have so many adventures!!

The night before Aunt Kati arrived, we decided to try out some cheesecake. Daddy wasn't expecting too much, but once he saw that someone managed to combine his beloved carrot cake with cheesecake, he was intrigued. When the waiter arrived with this little slice of the Celestial Kingdom, he totally zoned out. I'm not lying when I say I literally had seconds to take this picture before the carnage began. The poor dessert never stood a chance.

The next morning, while Uncle Richie was busy with his showcase, Grandma and I went up to the Museum of Natural History. I stood in awe of the power of this once majestic beast. If only I could have such a presence! Daddy saw the longing in my eyes and told me not to worry, 'One day, you'll have your day in the sun, Lil' G. No one will be able to ignore or dismiss you. You will grow to command respect, I promise.' With that, he stuffed me back into his pocket.

Daddy, don't be scurred!! I've tusseled with these guys before. They look big and threating but they're just big marshmellows. Daddy, focus! They're not really marshmellows...

Oh snap! I thought they were exaggerating about the rodents lurking in the darkness of the NY subways. Run Daddy, I'll cut this fool.

You cannot pass! I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the Flame of Anor. The dark fire will not avail you, Flame of Udun! Go back to the shadow!

YOU...SHALL NOT...PASS!

Finally Aunt Kati arrived, and along with her came...competition. Lo and behold, another small animal pops out of her purse. But this isn't just any other pocket-sized stuffed animal, it's Kermit-the freakn-Frog. How am I supposed to compete with a celebrity?? Here I am, just trying to enjoy a massive sundae with all manner of delicious fruits and treats, and once the camera comes out, Kermit just has to get in the shot. Seriously? What is it about Hollywood schmucks and their constant need for attention?? I'm so gonna cut this fool.

We get back to the hotel room and Kermit grabs the remote to turn on the TV. Muppets In Space marathon or some crap like that is probably on that he just can't miss....Turns out he flips over to ESPN to watch the Spurs post-game report.

The San Antonio Spurs have made friends out of adversaries. The miracles they work never cease to amaze me. Who would have thought I would find a brother in a large, green, amphibian?

Greatest...Picture...EVER.

Daddy and I love Central Park. He was such a trooper, walking all 51 blocks north to south. Everything was so beautiful! Just look at all this amazing appetizing foliage!

These are my peeps. I tried to get Daddy to buy me a big brother or sister, but he said they wouldn't fit in the carry-on compartment on the plane. I should have known he looks at giraffes simply as 'things' to stuff into things. I'm so disgusted with this right now.

I'll have to make sure to get this on the agenda at next year's convention for 'We May be Stuffed, But We Still Feel - Giraffe Chapter.'

Oh yeah, work it! You're a proud black Barbie doll, show me some of that attitude!

Not many people know this, but the best way to take down a Lego-Wookie is to go straight for the jugular.

I'm recognizing a trend here. Food..save Daddy from some foe...more food...another foe...more food...it's a vicious cycle.

One of the three shows we saw. I'm so tired of being in the audience. I belong on that stage!!

Lady Liberty. I was a little worried that after she went on her little stroll through NYC in the 1989 film, Ghostbusters II, that she would take her new found freedom and go on a country-wide tour/rampage. However, I believe she understands liberty implies a sense of responsibility and as such returned to her pedestal.

Ellis Island, where millions of would-be Americans came into this country. Daddy went off on a tangent of how we have lost touch with the spirit of legal immigration, blah blah blah...oh my, this shrub is delectable!